In Journal

Sorry folks, I’ve been away for a fair few weeks, possibly months. I’ve been going through a rough time with my mental health. Suffering from wintry blues/depression and sleep insomnia, it’s really been getting the better of me. Sadly. For a while I lost interests in everyday things.

I’m feeling somewhat better now. I’m back in the gym. I don’t feel I’m having depression anymore but I discovered I have something else, a little issues regarding concentration. I’ll write more about this in another post.

Let me see now…

Recently I’ve been chatting with my girlie-friends about various aspects of life; or my life, as I move from one status to another. Well, technically I’m still on the verge of learning.. Seems for some, the desires of someone wanting to transition is an interesting topic for everyone else, even those people I spend time with at the gym. Personally I’m really open. I don’t mind discussing my feelings to random people who find this interesting. In my trying to learn more about me and what might be expected from me – If that makes sense.

I feel there are a million and one things I need to get a grips with, I’m trying to cram in all my learning, experiments and what not. A little at a time, a little everyday. There are soo many things to learn, you ladies all take for granted. There’s converting dress sizes, shoe sizes, bras, stockings, tights… Only one I know is gloves cause men’s small are fucking huge on me!! Also between all the brands I like and love. I’m learning none of the stated clothes sizes are actual ‘standards’, medium on one brand is completely different from another… Shoe sizes baffle me, I work in euro sizes but the UK doesn’t but some boots use the US format… and they’re all different — This really explains why my sister spends soo much time shopping!!

I’m also learning being trans has it’s pitfall and it’s not all about being passable. I have always been rather effeminate, though I don’t think I’ve ever passed as a lad. I just don’t fit that typical masculinity scenario. I’m also learning there’s lots of heterosexual guys out who seem to love transwomen – I don’t understand this.. What is it about us, you love?? I’m really curious. I asked a friend about this a few times and they weren’t able to pin-point any particular reasons.


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